


letting people down is my thing (but i have twice the heart)

by mm8



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Age Difference, Alpha Luke, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Beta Wanted, Chapter 2 is an author's note, Constructive Criticism Welcome, Gaslighting, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Kylo Ren, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, POV Multiple, Rating May Change, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Uncle/Nephew Incest, Work In Progress, title and summary may change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-05-18 11:12:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14851646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mm8/pseuds/mm8
Summary: Luke and Ben were in love. They were mates and blissfully happy. Then Luke's sister and brother-in-law sent Ben away, and the galaxy suffered for it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been writing this fic since April 2016. It's not finished, but I thought that maybe if I posted it I'd been more inspired to work on this damn thing. It's going to be finished. It's been in my head far too long not to be completed.

Luke knew from the moment he opened his eyes at dawn that it was not going to be a normal day. As he cracked his neck and moved his jaw around, he could feel their presence moving closer and closer through the stars. Luke squeezed his eyes shut, wanting this day to be over already even though it had barely begun. He concentrated on their movements, hoping that he was wrong and that they would go away. Yet the Luke knew the truth. Why else would anyone be in this part of the system if they weren't looking for him? This was the only habitable planet in this part of the galaxy, and the resident count was few. He had to hope that whoever they were friendly-- not Inquisitors or Snoke's stormtroopers come to finish the job. Luke didn't have any weapon on him. He had abandoned his saber years ago. If they were here to kill him, they wouldn't meet much resistance. He figured that they wouldn't arrive for another two hours at least.

 

Luke inhaled and took a long, deep breath. He let his mind go blank. He needed his master's guidance and wisdom. The Jedi sat up, legs crossed beneath him, eyes shut in concentration, his palms flat against the stone slab. The rock was cold, damp, rough; the earth that had been there for eons and that would last a milinema more after Luke died. He could feel the ocean, crashing against the shoreline nearby his cave, the sea foam bubbling up and washed out never to be seen again. 

 

He called out to his mentors, to Master Yoda, Master Obi-Wan, even his own father.

 

_ What do I do? Have they come for me? Should I bother putting up a fight? Please guide me. _

 

There was a soft cracking in the air, invisible sparks that sprang from the force, yet there was no sign of any of them.

 

Unusually, Luke let his mind wander during his meditation. He thought of his lost mate. Luke wanted him terribly. It seemed that every bone in his body ached for his touch. It had been so long since Luke had seen his face or felt even the tiniest hint of his Force signature. God, it had been a decade since Luke had run his fingers over his taut chest, left a trail of bites along his thighs, evoking alluring gasps and moans-- Luke wished he had known what the future held for them. He wished he hadn't wasted time. Luke knew he couldn't see him.  _ Shouldn't _ ; even if they were to come face-to-face once more. He had no right to. Luke had failed him in so many ways: as his teacher, his protector, his mate-- as his Alpha. Luke had no claim to the man any longer, even though his heart and the bitemark where teeth had sunk into the skin felt differently. His heart still ached of longing, seemingly to drain him of emotions, crumpling his very soul each passing day. The mark burned as a reminder of what he had done and had lost. Luke tried to forget that the mark burned every three months, the exact time his mate would be in heat. It was hurting now, more than usual. It worried Luke, maybe more than he should, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong.

 

Goddamnit he missed Ben. He missed Ben with all his soul.

 

Luke sighed as he focused his attention on his upcoming guests. There were three entities coming towards the planet. Three. An odd number for a greeting party. He would have expected more. Maybe the First Order wanted to make his death quick. Maybe they thought he wasn't a threat. Both were probably true. However, as the life forms coming steadily towards the planet, he could get a reading more clearly, and he was surprised that he knew who they were. Chewbacca, his aura a burning blaze of orange. Luke couldn't sense Han. Why was that? Han and Chewie were practically joined at the hip. There was no Chewie without Han, and there was no Han without the Millennium Falcon. But there was Artoo, oh his dear friend. Luke gave a hint of a smile and some of his tension dissolved. Being with Artoo made things better, more clearer. Artoo was always there for him. The remaining of the trio was familiar like a hazy memory from long long ago. Luke  _ knew _ who it was, but hadn't felt their presence in a long time. It was...

 

His eyes flew open and he bolted straight up. Luke was shocked of who it was. Who it shouldn't be. It couldn't… She had  _ died _ over ten years ago. For hours he searched through the ashes and glowing embers on his hands and knees. Luke still had the faint scars on his palm from the smoldering coals. All he found were the gutted remains of her room, and a pair of tiny shoes left by the door, one in front of the other as if she was mid-step. How was this possible? How could she be here?

 

Luke sighed deeply, arose from his sitting position and stared upwards towards the blue sky. He couldn't deal with this. His head hurt and obviously no one from the other side was going to help him today-- like how they hadn't helped any day for a decade for that matter. Whatever his masters' thought or knew was going to happen they believed he could deal with it on his own. 

 

 _Damn_ _them_.

 

Luke went about his normal routine. He went to the shoreline to bathe, and catch his breakfast. Afterwards he changed into some suitable clothing since he was going to be having guests, including his long cloak and robe. Then he climbed the steep hill, near the top of the rocky terrain. He made his way there to mediate at least once a day. He stopped mid-step, looking down at his feet. Luke lightly scratched the crook of his neck. The mark was a tad warmer than his normal temperature. This wasn't the first time the Mark had stung-- far from it. He couldn't figure out any discernible pattern. It couldn't be from the distance that separated them, or the length of time they'd been apart. It didn't happen only happen on certain months or moon cycles. It came and went sporadically and untamed. It didn't make Luke worry any less.

 

He continued to climb uphill. Once he was near the top, he stopped and waited. It felt like he stayed there for hours staring out at the endless blue ocean, the crashing of the waves couldn't calm his nerves like it usually did. He was left alone with his thoughts. Not that wasn't normal, but his thoughts are spinning-- going around and around repeating and sweeping into his conscious so it turned to truth.

 

_ You're a failure. _

 

_ You're a failure to your masters, your students, your family, to your mate. _

 

_ You're a coward. Running away when things went wrong. Running away from a fight. What would your father think of you now? Coward. Coward.  _ **_Coward._ **

 

_ Failure. Useless. So useless. Coward. You should be ashamed. You know Ben is. He's always been ashamed of you. He hates you and it's all of your fault. It's because of you Ben became who he is. _

 

He heard roar of the engines powering down then going silent as the ship landed on the other side of the island. Luke's frown deepened. Yes there were here, he confirmed to himself. The three had stepped onto the soil. Chewbacca and Artoo stayed behind, so she was climbing the hill by herself. Climbing towards him using the uneven steps that weaved their way around the island. God her aura was so familiar, but it couldn't be her. _Couldn't_ _be_. It wasn't possible.

 

Luke waited. Exactly forty-eight minutes and fifty-four seconds later, he felt the hair tingling on the back of his neckline. He wasn't alone, truly alone, for the first time in almost ten years. Slowly, so slowly, he turned to face the intruder to his sanctuary. He lowered his cowl to get a better look. 

 

There she was standing several feet in front of him. She was a Beta. Young, slender, dark hair, skin tanned from the sun, and standing tall. She appeared to be a fighter with a blaster strapped to leg and a bo staff slung across her back. There was spunk and eagerness shining through. At the same time she looked so desperate and in shock. Her face contorted with pain, and she was biting her lower lip. Her eyes. God she had Leia's eyes. 

 

_ How was she alive? _

 

The girl reached behind her, opening her knapsack and taking out an object, extending her arm so the handle if the sword faced him. 

 

God it was his lightsaber. His original one that had belonged to his father. The one he had lost in his youth at Cloud City.

 

_ One he had given Ben. _

 

The girl sighed in frustration, taking a few steps forward so there was only a foot between them, enough space to easily grab the lightsaber.

 

Luke outstretched his hands, not realizing they were shaking until it was placed in his hands. His lightsaber felt so familiar. It was perfectly balanced and featherweight. He gripped the handle with his good hand. Fingers curling in the mold that had never fit him.

 

It felt like home.

 

Luke looked up at the girl. For a brief second she looked ecstatic, big smile on her face. Keeping eye contact, he strode to her, and slapped the handle back into her hand, and continued on his way.


	2. AUTHOR'S NOTE: NOT A CHAPTER

Ugh I've always hated waiting for a new chapter, getting super excited to get a notification that the fic was updated... only to find that it was an author's note. I've always promised myself never to do this, but I think you guys deserve to know what's going on with the progress of this story.

First of all THANK YOU to everyone who has left a comment, left a kudo, or even clicked on the fic to see what it was about. It means a ridiculous amount to me. This has been a fic that's been on my mind since after I saw TFA. I always put off posting it since it's a rare pair and it's a trope/kink that a lot of people hate. I had one of my 'fuck it's moments and posted the first chapter anyway. To have people take an interest in this is amazing to me, and I'm very grateful.

This isn't a new chapter (duh), but because you guys have been patient I wanted to let you know what's going on. Over the past few months my muse has disappeared. All I've managed to write are a few lines here or there. I've been writing fanfics for 10 years so writer's block isn't unknown to me. This go around the block isn't because I'm afraid of feedback, or can't think of a single idea, or am frustrated over my writing quality. This time around the block is because I have other important priorities on my mind, so much that writing has been put on the back burner.

The major thing that's happened this year is that I'm pregnant. It's my first pregnancy, first child (a girl if you're curious). This pregnancy has gone smoothly. There's been no complications whatsoever, everyone is healthy, and I couldn't ask for more. As of today (11-1-18) I'm 37 weeks, meaning I can go into labor any day now. My mind has been taken up with baby stuff so much that my muse decided to take a vacation.

I'm sorry that this isn't an update. Like I said I hate author's notes, but I wanted all of you to know what's going on. I do not know when the next update will be since my world is about to change very soon (and honestly I have a high chance of getting PPD so I don't know how that will impact things). There WILL be an update. This story is NOT abandoned. Please be patient with me.

As a sort of 'I'm sorry' present, below is a sneak peek of the next chapter. 

Thank you all.

\- mm8 

PREVIEW OF CHAPTER TWO

She followed him; Luke was more than aware of that. The Beta didn't attempt to hide it whatsoever. Her staff banged against rocks, her footsteps fell heavy, and her garments swished through the wind. It actually irked him. Luke wasn't used to having people around who were so blanently careless. She was yelling after him too. Cries of "Wait!", "Stop!", and "Master Skywalker!", followed him as he journeyed down the cliffs. She was so loud. Luke had gotten used to the quiet after all these years. He was far too used to the sounds of the waves crashing against the rocks, the calls of the animals, and the chatter of the caretakers. This girl was hurting his ears with all of her noise. Luke thought it must have been all in his head, but his ears ached nonetheless. Once he reached the huts Luke stopped, took a deep breath, counted to ten, and turned around to face her. 

She rocketed down the steps and came to a halt at the bottom. She gulped for air as she caught her breath, her body heaving every time she inhaled. The Beta leaned over placing her palms on her kneecaps. The lightsaber was wedged under her armpit. It jostled slightly with every breath she took. "Hey!" she exclaimed rather raggedly. "I came a long way to find you! You can't just… ignore me!"

Luke raised an eyebrow, amused. "I can't?"

She looked a bit confused at that, like she hadn't expected any sort of reply from him. She opened and closed her mouth several times before any sort of sound escaped her throat. "I-- I-- What?" she fumbled. "Why… Yes! Yes," she spoke with more confidence. "It's…" she paused as if she was finding the word. "It's rude!" Luke held back a chuckle as she visibly cringed at her own statement.

"Rude? You came to my home uninvited and unwanted. I think I can ignore you as much as I want."

His eyes trailed to the lightsaber. She should have thrown it into the ocean. It would have been better off there. Yet, after all these years it seemed to call out to him. His father's sword yearned for its old master. Luke remembered how powerful it made him feel the very first time he held it back on Tatooine. How Luke felt connected to the father he had never known, and the loss of losing it and finding out the truth. Luke's eyes watered as he realized he'd been staring at it for several moments. He blinked several times and shook his head. How had it come into her possession anyway?

The Beta straightened up, tall and confident like when he'd met her. "I'm sorry Master Skywalker, but it's terribly important. You see--"

"I don't want to hear it. Who are you anyway?" Please God be her.

"I'm nobody compared to someone like you."

Luke rolled his eyes and scoffed. He despised it when people looked and treated him like he was some kind of a God. He was a man, a poor excuse of one at that. He couldn't believe people still idolized him after all that happened. After all of the damage he'd caused... "Don't say that. I hate it when people say that. You didn't answer my simple question. Who are you?" he asked with bated breath. He already knew the answer, but he needed for her to say it. He needed her to say she was--

"Rey. My name is Rey."

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [tumblr](http://mm8fic.tumblr.com/%20). I'm taking fic commissions. Check out the [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/meganmoffat8/playlist/0m8DEOgipaB0UbcHOQyHOZ?si=hNPJHQciSQKvWnm3Zjft_g) for this fic.
> 
> Please leave kudos and/or comments. They make me happy as fuck.


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